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Eight of the best drinks-related April Fools

 Pinkster –L’eau de Framboise

While last year it unveiled its £10,000 Diamond Edition bottling with edible gold leaf, Pinkster has once again pulled out all the stops in 2018.

Described as a “novel brand extension,” Pinkster has introduced ‘Parfum Pinkster’ – “a fruity fragrance for the modern woman”.

Will Holt, director at Pinkster, said: “Whilst we’re in the midst of a gin craze, the demand from our loyal customers for a ginspired scent certainly took us by surprise. Never one for shirking a challenge, our team of pink coated boffins swung into action.

“Twelve months later, we’re delighted to launch Parfum Pinkster, an intoxicating scent with top notes of raspberry and juniper. Just as a whiff of a pine tree takes you back to Christmas, or the smell of freshly mown grass transports you to your favourite country garden, our research indicated that a subtle waft of gin would evoke olfactory memories of high-spirited times and wild abandon”.

Parfum Pinkster will set you back £80 for a 50ml bottle, and according to Holt, is designed “to be worn freely and instinctively, day and night”.

While this gin-soaked perfume will not be hitting the shelves, Pinkster did recently, and genuinely, release a 3-litre bag-in-box carton of its raspberry infused gin. 

Haymans – English Breakfast Gin

Fresh off the back of moving to Balham, Haymans launched a limited edition homage to greasy spoon cafés with an English Breakfast Gin.

Describing the gin, distiller Sam Pembridge commented: “It all starts with the meat – British sausage and rich, smoky bacon: the heart of any good breakfast. Mountains of rich scrambled egg jostle for top spot with toast acting as the backbone upon which everything else rests. Mushrooms, fried tomatoes and hearty hash browns ensure three of your five a day while beans bind everything together. Oft-overlooked the black pudding adds the spice element, whilst no True English Breakfast Gin would be complete without a builders brew”.

Pembridge smelling the beans…

Explaining the inspiration for the packaging, brand director Jonathan Gibson states: “It took us several months and eleven consumer focus groups to find the right design concept to launch such an important gin. The chequered tablecloth pattern reminds us all of our shared heritage, while the hand-drawn bacon rashers reference the line of continuity that links every one of us back to the great universal truth of breakfast. Breakfast is something we can all relate to on a deep and personal level – something we all have memories of; either from this morning, earlier in the week or possibly even deeper in our subconscious”.

Unfortunately, we won’t be getting a taste of English Breakfast Gin anytime soon, but Haymans are planning some limited edition runs in the near future.

Purity Brewing – barging into Birmingham

Midlands craft brewer, Purity Brewing Company, announced that it had purchased a canal boat in Birmingham which it said would help boost its city centre deliveries.

Turning back the clock to a time when the canals were relied upon to transport goods, the new boat is called UBU after one of Purity’s best-selling beers.

Managing director of Purity, Paul Halsey, said: “With more canals than Venice, Birmingham is the perfect city to start delivering to via boat, and we hope to extend this to our other key regions of Bristol and London soon via the Grand Union. If you spot the good ship UBU, post us a picture on social media to win a couple of brewery tour vouchers. Ahoy!”

Fuller’s – the UK’s first sail-through pub

Brewer and pub operator Fuller’s announced the UK’s first ever sail-through pub at The Still & West in Portsmouth.

Sailors in the area should call or tweet the team to pick up their portion of fish and chips at the pub’s quayside serving hatch.

Dan Bowden, Manager of The Still & West, said: “The new service window on the outside of the pub looks fantastic – and I just can’t wait to start serving my seafaring customers. We have an award-winning chef in Luke Emmess – but if you want to sample some of his more exotic dishes, I’m afraid you’ll have to moor up and come in. But if it’s a delicious Fuller’s Kitchen fish supper you are after, give us a shout and we’ll be ready and waiting with your deck side delivery”.

While sail-through fish and chips isn’t on the cards, Fuller’s donates £5 per barrel of its Gales Seafarers ale to Seafarers UK, a charity that supports members of the maritime community in Britain.

Francis Ford Coppola – Diamond Collection smart bottle claret

California’s Francis Ford Coppola winery unveiled its Diamond Collection smart bottle claret, a new virtual assistant and rival of Amazon’s Alexa, but for wine lovers. Featuring the A.I. voice of film director Francis Ford Coppola, it is the only virtual assistant on the market that comes with a full bottle of wine, apparently.

The “Quad G22 Processor” allows the AI Francis to anticipate your every need, “giving it the innate ability to make adjustments in real-time and improve all of your life’s scenes.

Sadly, pre-orders are already sold out.

Kraken – Giant Kraken spotted on the Thames

The label of rum-brand Kraken came to life this weekend when the 14m, squid-like creature was spotted clinging onto a pleasure cruiser on the river Thames. The cephalopod was spotted as it hitched a ride on tourist boat The Golden Star as it passed King George V Docks.

Michael Buerk commented: “Experts have been searching for years for the beast from the deep, and it has popped up here in central London, it is an extraordinary sighting and I had to come down and be first to bank the story.  We’ve already seen our news feed picked up by other networks around the world.”

Thames authorities confirmed that the boat was at no time at risk and the passengers are safe and well.

Master of Malt – Building its own ‘cutting-edge’ distillery

Spirits retailer Master of Malt announced the construction of its own whisky distillery on 1 April using “cutting-edge 3D and 4D printing technology”.

“We’ve always dreamed about having our own whisky distillery, and have also closely followed innovations in other industries,” said Jake Mountain, Master of Malt project and distillery manager.

“In many ways our passion for both drinks and technology meant reaching this point was inevitable, but it’s still required a lot of dedication and hard work from the whole team”.

The retailer also unveiled that it was experimenting with 4D whisky production.

Lead additive engineer Avi Pernrit explained, “4D printing sees programmable 3D-printed materials change over time when exposed to predetermined stimuli such as heat or light. This revolutionary technology means the distillery can control variables of whisky production like never before, and create entirely new spirit styles”.

Chilgrove Spirits – Juniper Fresh Gin & Tonic Toothpaste

Chilgrove Spirits launched the UK’s first G&T toothpaste this weekend, described as “a unique and gently abrasive compound made entirely from grapes”.

The distiller, known of its grape-based gin, said that the toothpaste comes in at 44% ABV and will be exclusively available from wine and spirits merchants in the UK.

Developed alongside Dr Fay Loposali from Axho Laboratories (rearrange the letters for another topical pun) the toothpaste includes a juniper-led collection of botanicals and will leave your mouth feeling gin-fresh for up to 12 hours.

Co-founder of Chilgrove Spirits, Christopher Beaumont-Hutchings, added: “Whilst researching a new series of breakfast cocktails we sampled a very broad range of our customers and discovered that whilst mint is a flavour that appealed to some in the morning, the vast majority would far rather start their day with the refreshing taste of a Gin & Tonic. Further research suggested to us that many workplaces in the UK have traditionally taken a negative view of their employees coming to work emanating an aroma of gin. From there, the solution of a Gin & Tonic toothpaste just seemed obvious to us, we’re genuinely staggered that there aren’t similar products already on the market”.

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