Top 10 totally pointless wine accessories
We have rounded up 10 wine-related gadgets which provide little or no practical use save for some entertainment.
Having trawled the world wide web it’s apparent there’s an impressive industry catering for the wine drinker who already has the basic necessities – that is, glasses, corkscrew and preferably some form of storage.
Such a trade is highly inventive in its ability to dream up and produce a broad array of items that are frankly useless except for the amusement they may cause when revealed for the first time.
Among the objects manufactured, notably silly examples included stemware designed to make you feel drunk, as well as a beer jug that doubles as a wine glass, and a Paris goblet that fills itself (pictured).
Other items discovered include a monstrous carafe designed to look like a vine (or set of udders?), and a metal bottle holder complete with a piano player who doesn’t play.
Over the following pages we have counted down ten of what we believe are the wackiest and most pointless wine-related objects on sale.
We’re sure none of them will directly improve your drinking pleasure.
1 Wine Stem Glass Holder
Despite promising to support the glass for you, the model demonstrating this gadget is keeping a firm grip on the stem.
Should it be able to perform its basic function, the Wine Stem Glass Holder will allow for frantic two-handed gesticulation without the need to part with your drink for even a moment.
However, having studied the diameter of the design, it’s apparent a flute would slip through its plastic support, rendering it unsuitable – we’re sad to report – for a Champagne reception.
2. The Glass Tank
Why go to the bother of topping up your wine glass when you can sip from the glass tank?
The drinking receptacle consists of a bulb shaped container which constantly tops up the glass below, negating the need for manual refills.
It may ensure your glass never runs dry, nor overflows, but we’re not sure how you actually drink from it.
Considering it costs almost £250, we wouldn’t recommend putting it in the dishwasher, not that it would clean it.
3 The Double-Walled Glass Mug
For those who couldn’t make up their mind whether they wanted a glass of wine or a mug of beer, Winestein believes it has the solution – the Double-Walled Glass Mug.
It’s unlikely to satisfy the Riedel lover, but then again, it’s a lot less likely to snap or chip.
It might also encourage the beer-swilling bloke to consider a one-off sip of wine when out among his mates.
Sadly for the lads however, the $20 RRP doesn’t include the fraulein.
4. Carafe N°8
Although there are a number of these carafes to choose from, we have selected Number 8 for its extraordinary form.
It’s meant to resemble a vine and sells for around £2,000, although that’s without the cost of transporting the delicate object.
It holds a standard bottle of wine, and while it doubtless requires a steady hand to fill, it shouldn’t be hard to pour the contents into guests’ glasses, as long as they move well away from the table.
Passing the Port is definitely not recommended.
According to the inventors, the Corkcicle wine-cooling device does away with the need for ice buckets, which are “messy and a hassle”.
The use of a refrigerator on the other hand is not mentioned, although the wine chilling stick does need freezing before use.
Simply insert into the bottle and after 15 minutes the liquid will be cooled.
While you wait, you can sip the measure of warm wine that has to be poured out to allow space for the device.
Yours for £20.
6. Stemware coasters
For those intensely worried about wine stains caused by careless drinkers, there’s a coaster that can be attached to your stemware.
Costing £20 for a set of six, the makers promise piece of mind for purchasers concerned they won’t have time to wipe away those ring-shaped water marks.
“Slip these on before you fill your guests glasses and they can put their drinks down wherever they want without causing you stress,” notes the manufacturer.
Not only that, but they come in different colours to help you keep track of your drink.
These have no doubt been designed for the clumsy and absent minded – probably two traits that go together.
7. Piano Player Wine Bottle Holder
This metal bottle holder promises to “entertain your friends” despite the fact it doesn’t make any sound.
It’s also one of a seemingly endless array of metal constructions for holding – or rather disguising – bottles from Wine Caddies.
So, if you’re not sure that this is the design for you, there are plenty of others to consider, including a dentist with patient version, particularly apt for those in the wine trade.
However, if you’re looking for “the perfect gift for any optician, ophthalmologist or optometrist”, you might want to consider the eye doctor bottle holder (bottom right), which comes complete with a miniature eye test – presumably to check for double vision.
Each one costs around £60.
8. Tipsy wine glasses
This wine glass with a titled stem “will make you feel tipsy even when you are stone cold sober”, according to the manufacturers.
Whether that’s desirable, or true, these are certainly an inventive way to increase the margins for makers of cheap stemware – they are charging £10 for two of these modified pub wine glåsses.
If only they’d opted to alter a decent wine glass for the sake of a very brief joke.
9. Bamboo cork collectors’ bottle
For those people who want to turn their cork collection into something decorative, there’s the Bamboo Cork Collectors’ Bottle.
Made to cage your closures, this £20 object will hold the corks in place, but also allows the curious to see what you’ve been drinking.
There’s no indication that the creators are going to produce an aluminium version for screwcaps to keep the closure debate alive at the dinner table.
10. The Robot Wine Rack
And finally… we had to include the Robot Wine Rack.
As previously featured on this website, this wine rack weighs half a ton and towers to six foot.
It also costs US$7,000 and holds 32 bottles of wine.
However, as it comes complete with lights and the possibility to extend its storage capacity, this is the only entry with some practical benefits.