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Saturday 4 July 2015
Curtis McMillan
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Christmas Wish List

19th December, 2012 by Curtis McMillan

Dear Santa, this is my 2012 Christmas wish list.

Letters to Santa MailboxA few days ago I was walking in a mall and thinking about what to write this week…

As many of you already know this is the Christmas season and it’s a wonderful time of year – more so if you’re young enough to not own a credit card.

After pushing over people to get gifts, I stumbled upon an area in the mall I don’t go anymore due to my age. This area is reserved for parents and small children, and I’m neither, but due to the growing number of small children in my family I was forced back into this darkest of areas in the mall.

Outside of the gnashing of teeth I found myself mesmerized by the red mailbox for children’s wish list to Santa. This got me thinking about how much I miss the youthful act of doing research and building my own wish list out of the Sears Christmas catalogue.

I then realised that, as I’ve got my own column, why not just do it now.

So, without wasting any more time, this is my 2012 Christmas wish list:

Dear Santa,

For starters I would like you to talk with all the head executives at Pernod Ricard, Diageo, and William Grant and Sons. They have all vowed to spend millions of dollars building new single malt distilleries in Scotland and they can’t seem to stop putting them in the highland region. Maybe they could do me a favour and build one or two in the lowlands? I’m not talking about another single grain manufacturing plant but a real single malt distillery so I have more options.

Speaking of single grain can we also get distribution in the United States?

You may think we don’t like single grain whiskey but we do and, even if you haven’t had it yet, you will like it too. Just trust me.

I would like for people to stop asking me what vodka to buy or what’s the best whiskey. It’s a matter of personal taste, or, in the case of vodka none at all.

north-british-1963-45-year-old-signatory-bottling-whiskyAlso, please ask all bourbon manufacturers to stop selling flavoured whiskeys. It all taste gross and it cheapens your brand. I’m ok with trying out finishing like the Angels Envy Port finished bourbon.

So this year maybe try adding a new wood not just more honey. Maybe bourbon manufacturers can build me a Sherry finished bourbon before next Christmas?

Also Santa, I think you should hire a few new elves to work at the Alcohol and Tax Trade Bureau label approval division in the United States. I’m sick of inconsistencies and lack of transparency at TTB and Lord knows they could use the help.

Santa, I really need distribution in Massachusetts for Corsair whiskey; I’m dying to sample the brand and it can’t come fast enough.

I would also like to ask for a few more bottlings of Japanese single malt. Okay Nikka, you got an importer, now let’s get this show on the road.

Finally, I would like peace on earth and an investor for my distillery.

Yours always,

Curtis, the kid with enough coal to run the stills at Glendronach.

P.S. I was also going to ask for a pony but if you can get half of this list under my Christmas tree I would be more than overjoyed.

 

One Response to “Christmas Wish List”

  1. Christopher says:

    Better than a pony, how about a bottle of White Horse? That reminds me …. Many years ago I popped into a famous pub in Devon. They had the biggest range of whiskies at the time in the South West (possibly the UK). With such a long list of whisky/ey on offer I simply could not make up my mind, so whilst cogitating I asked for a shot of Long John. After searching furiously in the back, the barman could not find any. He was not amused and thought I had tried to pick the one whisky they did not have. It was just a random idea. Psychic or what?
    Anyway, a termite walks into a pub and asks “Is the bartender here?”
    Merry Christmas.

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